Failure Bread

First posts, I find, are kind of like first dates.

You spend all day getting gussied up and giving yourself a passive-aggressive pep talk.  “Are they going to like me?  Of course they are!  Why wouldn’t they?  As long as I don’t tell any of my stupid jokes or get food on my face or do any of the myriad things that I often do to embarrass myself in public, I’ll be fine!  And hey, I’m interesting, right?  …Right?  I have stuff to say.  Y’know, stuff that people want to hear.  Not like my drunken karaoke, real ideas.  I have that, right?”

Then you pour another pre-date drink, crawl under the table, and mutter, “We can’t do it, Precious…” for about an hour before you get into your not-quite-slutty black dress that only just hints at desperation.

Yes.  First posts are like that.  Because as soon as I sat down at the keyboard, I thought, “Yes!  Finally, I can tell the WHOLE WORLD how I feel about movies!  And music!  And TV!  And books!*  And the whole glitter-slicked debacle that is the entertainment industry!!!  And everyone who reads it will LOVE me and I’ll get picked up by Entertainment Weekly as their new columnist and life will be GRAND!”

But the truth is that the first post is always disappointing, telling you nothing about the author or future content, and if you were to judge the caliber of this humble (ha!) blog by its maiden voyage, you’d be like, “Fire this bitch, has Maddox updated yet?”

Cut to me, under the table with my pre-date bottle o’ Bailey’s.

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that the good stuff if yet to come, so please don’t begrudge me a less-than-entertaining ‘This Is Me’ intro post.

That being said, I will be your host for the foreseeable future.  My name is V.**  I plan to talk your ear off about stuff I like and rage incoherently about stuff I don’t.  If you came for the written equivalent of foaming at the mouth, check back when the next ‘Twilight’ movie is released.***

If at any time while reading you feel you really can’t contain yourself and must contribute to the madness, please feel free to comment below or e-mail me at: pentacookie@gmail.com

Till next time!

-V

*Yes, there will be books.  Start reading, you troglodytes.

**Not for vendetta.  And thanks to the genius of Terry Pratchett, I am completely obsessed with footnotes.

***Or book, depending on how money-hungry Stephanie Meyer gets as her success begins to flag…