Failure Bread

I’m back!  Get excited!

Sorry about the long absence, but circumstances being what they are, you know, I was quite busy with some things, with the possibility of extending my mutuals to full-time etc.  Look, it’s all very technical…

Anyshit, here I am, ready and willing to entertain you with joy and cynicism.

First off, everyone say hi to Kirby, my new laptop.  Because I now own Kirby, I have even fewer excuses for not updating,** but I like him anyway cuz he runs Linux so I get to see adorable penguins pretty frequently.  Also, Kirby has a tiny condensed keyboard, so if you notice typos, they’re his fault, not mine.

Before you ask, yes, I do have a topic for this post other than ‘I’m a slothy bitch with a new computer.’  In fact, it’s pretty much the only topic worth buzzing about lately.  Yes, you guessed it.****  It’s frickin’ Star Trek.*****

For all you non-Trekkies, or those of you who only wear your Spock ears on special occasions, I’ll keep it simple.  The topic today is Zachary Quinto being so made of win that he wins the first ever Failure Bread Awesome Sauce Award.

The Failure Bread Awesome Sauce Award: presented to those individuals or things that garnish the sandwich of your otherwise miserable life with the mayo of extreme coolness, the Russian dressing of undeniable greatness, the oil and vinegar of total and complete Awesomeness.

Zach wins this award for several reasons: first, commitment to the job.  He shaved his eyebrows off to play Spock and if you’ve ever seen his eyebrows, you know this is no small, quick feat.  Secondly, being sexy even with shaved eyebrows.  I don’t know if it’s the sexy monochrome Star Fleet uniforms or just the fact that I prefer my men emotionally unavailable and free of troublesome in-laws, but I harbored several vivid dreams about lightsabering Uhura, stealing her wicked little skirt, and doing some beaming-up of my own.  Third, because never in my life have I heard someone make the phrase “Live long and prosper” sound so very much like “Fuck you.”  And finally, for inspiring this great little moment:

Me:  You know, I heard Zachary Quinto can’t do the Vulcan hand thing.  JJ Abrams had to glue his fingers together.

Rob:  Lots of people can’t.  It’s genetic.

Me:  Really?  That’s awesome; I am genetically superior to Zachary Quinto.

Rob:  You better be careful.  Now you have a power he wants…

Am I the only one who thinks a ‘Heroes’/'Star Trek’ crossover where Spock and Sylar duke it out and glare at each other would be the frickfracking bomb?!******

*Hi, Jamie!  This means you won’t kill me now, right?

**Leaving me with only “I’m lazy,” “But ‘Heroes’ is on tonight!”*** and my personal favorite, “I just hate all your faces.”

***Goddamn summer break!!!

****We both know you didn’t, but I’ll cover for you.

*****I almost titled this post “Live Long and Prosper… In Mah Pants,” before I remembered I was not my brother.

******If it weren’t totally the lamest thing ever?

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